From overlooked good men to questions about “too high” standards and the sting of ghosting — this month’s Coach’s Compass tackles three struggles many Christian singles face in the modern dating world. Coach Janelle Lynnae shares practical, faith-centered insight on how to date with confidence, keep your standards grounded in God, and stay hopeful even when dating feels discouraging.
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With Janelle Lynnae, Christian Dating Coach and Creator of Magnetize Marriage: 3 Steps to Attract Your Dream Husband.
🌟 About Coach’s Compass
Coach’s Compass is Ark’s monthly Q&A series with Christian Dating Coaches. Each edition features real questions from singles navigating the ups and downs of modern dating — and practical, faith-centered advice from coaches who get it.
“It seems like having perfect photos is all that matters, but I don’t have a professional photographer following me around every moment of my life.”
Janelle’s Answer:
Ha! I just did a post about this on Instagram a couple weeks ago. I would say this is the perfect example of a both/and
Advice to the Ladies:
Unlike us, 99.9% of men aren’t having their guy friends take 1,000 photos to get the perfect angle and lighting. So it’s important to assume that most guys are going to look better in person than they do on their dating profile! Give guys a chance who might not seem like your “usual type.” This doesn’t mean forcing yourself to marry someone you’re not attracted to — it just means you may need to meet him in person before realizing how attractive he really is, inside and out.
Advice to the Gents:
You may want to consider having a female friend help you take a few pictures for your profile. Ask your sister, best friend’s wife, or a photographer friend to snap a couple casual iPhone pictures of you wearing an outfit you feel good in. It might sound silly, but whether you like it or not, your dating profile is a form of marketing.
If you’re the type who’s too busy living in the moment to take photos (which is awesome!), set a quick reminder on your phone to grab a selfie when you’re hiking, hanging with friends, or out doing something fun. Building that habit gives you more great photo options that reflect your real life.
Advice to Both the Ladies & the Gents:
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting” (Proverbs 31:30), so focus on showing off your personality, character, and faith through your written prompts. Take your time answering them! Choose a couple that are deep, honest, or even a little vulnerable — and at least one that’s lighthearted or funny. Authenticity attracts the right people. You don’t need to be everyone’s cup of tea; your uniqueness is what will make you stand out to the right match.
“I’ve been told that mine are too high by several people, but I just don’t want to settle for less than God’s best for me. Is that bad?”
Janelle’s Answer:
I love this question! When people ask, “Is there such a thing as too high of standards?” my answer is: it depends!
There’s a big difference between having healthy, God-honoring standards and being unrealistically picky. Healthy standards are rooted in discernment, self-respect, and faith alignment. Unrealistic standards often come from fear, pride, or fantasy — a mindset that can keep you single not because God hasn’t moved, but because you’ve built an impossible checklist no one can meet.
It’s good to want someone you’re attracted to, who loves Jesus, works hard, and treats people well — those are healthy standards. But it becomes too picky when you reject people over small flaws or surface-level traits. If your “type” is limited to someone 6’2”, fit, wealthy, and funny enough to headline a comedy show, that’s not discernment — that’s perfectionism in disguise.
The truth is: Godly standards focus on character and compatibility, not perfection. You’ll absolutely be attracted to the person God has for you — but they might look different than you imagined. Some love stories start with fireworks; others are slow burns that grow stronger over time. Both are beautiful.
Also, if you’re only going on one date a year while praying for a spouse, your standards might not be the issue — your willingness to give people a real chance might be.
You deserve God’s best! Just make sure your definition of “God’s best” isn’t a fantasy that leaves you swiping from your high horse. Keep your standards high for faith, integrity, and emotional health — but stay humble, curious, and open to surprise. God loves to exceed expectations, and your story might not look how you planned… but it’ll be even better.
Janelle’s Answer:
Unfortunately, sometimes people are just rude. Ghosting happens because it’s easier to avoid discomfort than to communicate honestly — and yes, that’s wrong. It’s unloving and immature.
But let’s pause — have you ever ghosted someone? Most of us have at some point. As followers of Christ, we’re called to treat others with honor, even when it’s inconvenient. So start by practicing what you hope to receive: kindness, clarity, and honesty. Remember, clear is kind.
If you’re getting ghosted often, take a moment to self-reflect:
Ghosting doesn’t always mean you did something wrong, but it can be a growth opportunity. Use it to strengthen your emotional maturity and discernment. Keep showing up with integrity, humility, and peace. The right person will value that — and in the meantime, let rejection refine you, not define you.
Have a dating question you’d love our coaches to tackle in the next Coach’s Compass? Send it to us at: HERE
Together, we’ll help you find your way in dating — with faith as your compass.
A better Christian dating experience.
