Now, don’t get me wrong, I love beautiful eyes and a gorgeous smile just as much as the next guy. Yet we fail to connect when we believe our deepest, most authentic, beautifully broken, and awkward essence won’t be accepted. But the truth is, that essence is God-designed. You were made in His image. You were never meant to be flawless; you were meant to be honest, whole, and real.
See, we’re all kind of a mess, and social media convinces us everyone else is doing 10x better than we are. We experience our raw, frustrating, real lives and consume filtered, sexy, curated expectations. That gap is difficult to avoid, and it creates pain. It makes us obsess over what to change, when it’s more about where we’re looking.
What if the key was shifting your opinion about yourself, before worrying about anyone else’s?
What if being faithful to who God made you to be... was the most attractive thing about you?
That’s hard to grasp and even scary to try. So let me tell you a story.
I Can’t Believe He Said That to Her...
One of my best friends is a ladies’ man, and always has been. Since 6th grade, actually. He had four girlfriends before I figured out cooties weren’t real.
We stayed in touch after college, and he recently told me about a date he went on. He said this woman was way out of his league: gorgeous, articulate, professional. He, on the other hand, wasn’t much of a physical specimen or a looker.
Yet he had something most people miss.
He told me he was more nervous than ever, yet decided to just be himself. No games. No mask.
The date went great. They ended up back at his apartment for coffee (don’t worry, keeping this G-rated). Then he did something that breaks the brains of most guys when it comes to “how to get the girl”...
He sat up straight, looked her in the eyes, and said:
“Can I share something with you? It’s a little uncomfortable, but I just want to get it off my chest.”
She nodded.
“I was nervous before this date. I had never been with someone like you. I’m grateful you were open to going out. I really value the conversation we had and the time we spent together. Honesty is important to me, and I wanted to be honest with you so you could see exactly who I am.”
I sat there silently and thought… I’m either speaking to the smartest or dumbest guy on the face of the earth… I just don’t know which one yet.
What He Had That Most People Don’t
That thing he had?
Confident vulnerability.
He was honest about his insecurities. He talked about personal stuff, yet not in a self-pitying way. He owned it. He shared it with presence. And in doing so, he showed her the most authentic, unfiltered version of himself.
And isn’t that what we all truly want, someone real? Someone raw? Someone beautifully flawed and unafraid to show it, who tries to be a better person every day. They know that the journey is going to be hard and scary, yet those are the people we respect and want to be around. Their courage becomes infectious.
It’s also what we’re called to do. We were created to connect and create, and that requires courage, honesty, and faith. And there’s no Instagram filter for those.
But confident vulnerability? That stays. That connects. That’s real. And that’s what we want, the messy real instead of the clean fake.
When you lead with that, when you present your honest self as a strength, not a liability, you separate yourself from everyone else who’s too scared to do the same.
And the person on the other side will feel you before they even see you.
By the way, her response?:
“That’s the most attractive thing any guy has ever said to me.”
Make Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin Sexy Again.
-DJ
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