Coach’s Compass: Intentional Dating, Profile Success, and a Heart Ready for Love

With Janelle Lynnae, Christian Dating Coach and Creator of Magnetize Marriage: 3 Steps to Attract Your Dream Husband.

🌟 About Coach’s Compass
Coach’s Compass is Ark’s monthly Q&A series with Christian Dating Coaches. Each edition features real questions from singles navigating the ups and downs of modern dating — and practical, faith-centered advice from coaches who get it.

Q1: Making Your Intentions Known Without Seeming Desperate
“How do I make my intentions known to a man that I am dating with the intention of marriage without seeming desperate?”

Janelle’s Answer:
Amazing question! You absolutely want to know from the beginning if he’s dating for marriage or if he’s just a Peter Pan dating for funzies! I would ask some of these questions early on:

“Okay, this might be a little bold 🙃 but I'm dating with intentionality and want to make sure we’re on the same page. I’d love to know what your vision is when it comes to dating & relationships?”

Or you could try something a little more casual like:
“When you picture your future a few years from now, what does it look like?”

Whether you go with a more direct approach or a more casual approach, in both of these scenarios you’re actually still giving the guy a chance to lead and share his vision for his life. If he doesn’t mention his desire for marriage when answering either of these questions, then it’s probably not something he’s focused on — which would likely mean you’re not aligned.

Please don’t apologize for asking these kinds of questions before your first date! Your time is valuable. Your future husband will find your intentionality attractive. The wrong men will think it’s a turn off — that’s on them, not on you!

Q2: Why Am I Not Getting Messages or Likes on Ark?
“Why is no one messaging me back or liking me? I’ve been on Ark for a month, and it feels like I’m just swiping up and down without getting anything out of it. I want to talk to the guys I liked and sent messages to.”

Janelle’s Answer:
That can be very frustrating — to feel like no one is reaching out or responding to you! It may be worth having a couple of trusted friends or family members look at your profile and see if there’s anything you can do to market yourself better. You don’t want to embellish or present yourself dishonestly, but there is an element of marketing finesse that goes into creating a dating profile — showing your best, most authentic self in a way that captures attention.

3 Ways to Boost Your Likelihood of Getting Responses on Ark:

1. Upgrade Your Photos.
   Ensure your pictures have good lighting, show off your personality, and highlight adventures or fun things you like to do — friends, pets, travel, hobbies, etc. If you’ve only uploaded a few low-quality selfies, it may unintentionally signal that you’re not putting much effort into dating or that you might be a bit closed off. Warm, inviting, and high-quality photos make a huge difference.
2. Have Fun With Prompts.
   Take your time responding to prompts! Choose 1–2 that are silly or lighthearted and 1–2 that communicate what you’re looking for in a future spouse. A healthy balance of playfulness and intention shows that you’re both fun and serious about finding something meaningful — and that’s an irresistible combination.
3. Ask Engaging Questions.
   Think about the kinds of messages you send early on. Bold or creative questions show confidence and spark real conversation. You can “drop the handkerchief” by asking things like:
   
   • What’s one thing on your bucket list you actually want to cross off soon?
   • What’s something you’re currently praying about or learning lately?
   • What kind of vacation do you need right now — adventure or total relaxation?
   • What’s something you’re grateful for today?

These tips aren’t about performing — they’re about letting your light shine through. Sometimes it’s not about changing who you are, but learning how to help others see the confident, joyful, faith-filled woman you already are.

Q3: “Wanting Someone to Talk To and Be There When I’m in Need.”

Janelle’s Answer:
Okay, so there’s not exactly a question here, but I still wanted to address this comment — because it’s an important one.

This is actually not the right mindset for finding your future spouse and can unintentionally set your future relationship up for struggle. Yes, a spouse should be someone amazing to talk to and who will be there when you’re in need. But the better questions to ask yourself are:

• How can I help support my future spouse?
• How can I be there for my spouse when they’re in need?
• How can I help them grow?

When you approach relationships from a “what can I give?” instead of “what can I get?” mindset, you start to attract the kind of love that’s grounded in service, maturity, and partnership. That’s what leads to a healthy marriage.

It’s not wrong to want companionship — God designed us for connection — but it becomes unhealthy when it’s rooted in loneliness or neediness instead of wholeness.

Paul says in Acts 20:35:

“And I have been a constant example of how you can help those in need by working hard. You should remember the words of the Lord Jesus: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

So instead of praying, “Lord, send me someone to be there for me,” try praying, “Lord, make me someone who’s ready to love, serve, and uplift another person.” That shift in heart posture not only prepares you for marriage — it invites God to work through you in ways that bless both your future spouse and your own growth.

Want Your Question Answered?

Have a dating question you’d love our coaches to tackle in the next Coach’s Compass? Send it to us at: HERE

Together, we’ll help you find your way in dating — with faith as your compass.

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